Back in 2002, researchers at the University of Hertfordshire wanted to find the "world's funniest joke", so they created "LaughLab" to evaluate all jokes and find the funniest one.
Of the 40,000 jokes submitted, the winner was sent by Gurpal Gosall, a 31-year-old psychiatrist from Manchester, England:
So, here it is. The funniest joke ever:
The top ten of Chuck norris jokes -eer- i mean chuck norris facts as of 2015 .
1) Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
2) Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
3) If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
4) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
5) Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Updated list with even more Funny new year wishes for 2016:
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
New Year’s Day is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions and wishes. On the first week of 2016 you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
This Christmas, Santa will give the naughty list to Chuck Norris.
Several Funny new year wishes for 2013:
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise!
Live long and prosper! ( Famous greeting from Star Trek )
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. (Not so funny wish for the new year - probably 2013 will be the last chance)
According to the research of "Laughlab" (read about it on the funniest joke ever), here is the second funniest joke ever :
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?"
Only women laugh with these jokes:
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Men are Like... Women jokes for men.
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Chances are you'll find them lying by the TV.
Parking spaces at a popular mall.
The good ones are all taken.
In order to get their attention, you must first turn them on.
They take a long time to mature.
If they sit too long, they become lumpy.
They run at the first sign of tears.
They on appear only when there is food on the table.
Signs You Are On a Bad Date
You know you're on a bad date when:
Girls you know you're on a bad date when: (jokes for men)
You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't Rockefeller, honey."
You've never heard someone speak with such passion about an ant farm.
He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine.
Your dinner reservations are under "Loser, party of 2"
He's especially proud of how long he can sustain a burp.
He calls to tell you he'll pick you up, just as soon as the stand off with the police is over.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
This is not a joke.
The top 20 of all the Murphy's laws. They all derive from the original law of Murphy:
0. Everything that can go wrong will.
In no particular order, here are the top 20 most important laws of Murphy:
1 - Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
2 - Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
3 - No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming
back.(No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.)
4 - Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Pessimistic and funny Murphy's laws on love :
- All the good ones are taken.
- If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
- Nothing improves with age.
- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
- If you're having difficulties choosing between potential two girls, you'll always pick the wrong one.
- If you love her/him, s/he doesn't love you
- If you are in love, he/she isn't
If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?
Teachers are an inspiration. We joke about them, we play practical jokes on them. Students in school like to say that
"Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn’t have."
Teachers jokes are funny. Teacher and student jokes are even funniest.
Teachers and Students jokes:
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
Teacher:Give me an example of Coincidence?
Student: My mom and dad got married on the same date.
Murphy's computer laws are based on experience and observations. They all derive from the original Murphys's law "everything that can go wrong will go wrong".
- Constants aren't
- If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Every non trivial program has at least one bug
- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- A patch is a piece of software which replaces old bugs with new bugs.
- Failure is not an option, it's included with the software.