Chuck Norris and Twitter

Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

Category: Jokes

0 December 08, 2011

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Chuck Norris doesnt celebrate christmas, christmas celbrates chuck norris.

Santa Clause was real, before the year he forgot to give Chuck Norris a present.

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.

Santa knocked on Chuck Norris' door on Christmas and was roundhouse kicked out. He sneaks in through chimneys ever since.

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.

There is no such thing as evolution... only those animals Chuck Norris allowed to live

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.

Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.

Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny...

Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right.
The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"

Some attitude quotes are humorous and witty.

Funny attitude quotes:

- You always have a choice, even if it is only a choice of your attitude.

- The only disability in life is a bad attitude.

- Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?

- Attitudes are more important than facts.

- If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.

- Nothing is interesting if you’re not interested.

- Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.

- A positive attitude will not solve all...

Several Funny new year wishes for 2013:

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise!

Live long and prosper! ( Famous greeting from Star Trek )

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. (Not so funny wish for the new year - probably 2013 will be the last chance)

There have been many time in the past year when I may disturbed you, irritated you, troubled you, bugged you and annoyed you...