The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
The road to success is always under construction.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Behind every successful man is a...
Humorous status updates
Sarcasm helps keeps me from telling people what I really think of them.
When butterflies are in love, do they feel human’s in their stomach?
I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight. It’s called super glue.
When I don't suceed at first, I redefine success.
To err is human. To arr is pirate.
I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort.
My cell phone is so outdated that it has a rotary dial.
If you choke a smurf what color does it turn?
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Facebook status games and status update chains are fun and are complimented with many "likes". Like this post if you believe so :)
Ideas for funny Facebook status games (LMS games) and status update chains:
1. Like this status if you are in love.
2. Like this status and I'll give you a nickname.
3. Like this and I’ll tell you how I think you’ll die.
4. Like my status and i'll write my first impression about you.
5. Like my status and I'll tell you what's your best feauture.
6. Like my status and I will tell you why you’re one of my Facebook...
A list of funny facebook status updates.
- You’ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
- The problem with reality is a lack of background music.
- All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
- Insert coin to view status message
- If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
- Never underestimate my power to get absolutely nothing done all day.
- Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
- My outstanding talent of cursing...
Some funny facebook status updates for Valentines day:
- They say there is someone for everyone but wasn't really thinking about me.
- Valentines day. Another great holiday to remind some of us how truly alone we are.
- Nothing is more romantic than letting you know that I love you via this Facebook Status update.
- Today I already killed some helpless flowers for you… what else do you want?
- Why do I need a date for Valentine’s Day? I can buy my own damn flowers & box of chocolate...
- I just wanted to tell you, on this very special...
Top 10 facebook and twitter status updates about love:
1. By the way, I wear the smile you gave me.
2. Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.
3. You can't start the next chapter of your live, if you keep re-reading the last one.
4. When the power of love, overcomes the love of power this world will be awesome .
5. Look at me like I am the only one you see.
6. Being in LOVE is like Being DRUNK. No control over what you do.
7. I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.
8. Love is like rain...
The best, funniest tweets ever writen on Twitter:
1. My parents didn't retweet me enough.
2. To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree.
3. May the 4th be with you! StarWarsDay, May 4th.
4. At a cemetery, looking for my name on tombstones. This is the Goth version of Googling yourself.
5. My personality test results came back. They're negative.
Funny status updates for April Fool's Day
I like to spend this day remembering all of the idiots who have come and gone in my life.
April 1st... A day the devil gets so happy.
If you have anything important to tell me, tell me tomorrow cause I won't believe you today. Happy April Fools Day!
When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.
I've stopped celebrating April Fools Day when I realized my life was the big joke.
I'll be getting married on April 11. All of you are invited.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to...
Some attitude quotes are humorous and witty.
Funny attitude quotes:
- You always have a choice, even if it is only a choice of your attitude.
- The only disability in life is a bad attitude.
- Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?
- Attitudes are more important than facts.
- If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.
- Nothing is interesting if you’re not interested.
- Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.
- A positive attitude will not solve all...