A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says,

"I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated...

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.

"They have multiplied", said the biologist.

"Oh no, an error in measurement", the physicist sighed.

"If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again", the mathematician concluded.

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says,

"I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated...

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.

Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny...

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.

"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.

"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"

"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

A Statistics Department is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.

All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"

The pure mathematician: "It's one."

The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."

The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: "Certainly a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and that is good for your health.

The mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife --- you get some peace and quiet...

A bunch of jokes about the theory of relativity:

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

According to Einstein's Theory of Relatives, the probability of in-laws...

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'

Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right.

The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"