The last word

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
This is not a joke.

Category: Jokes

0 December 17, 2011

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Signs You Are On a Bad Date

You know you're on a bad date when:

Girls you know you're on a bad date when: (jokes for men)

You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't...

Men are Like... Women jokes for men.

Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Remote controls.
Chances are you'll find them lying by the TV.

Parking spaces at a popular mall.
The good ones are all taken.

Computers.
In order to get their attention, you must first turn them on.

Fine wine.
They take a long time to mature.

Oatmeal.
If they sit too long, they become lumpy.

Mascara.
They run at the first sign of tears.

Silverware.
They on appear only when there is...

Only women laugh with these jokes:

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to...

The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.

Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

A Statistics Department is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"
The pure mathematician: "It's one."
The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."
The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: "Certainly a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and that is good for your health.

The mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife --- you get some peace and quiet...