Men are wrong

If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?

Category: Jokes

0 December 17, 2011

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Signs You Are On a Bad Date

You know you're on a bad date when:

Girls you know you're on a bad date when: (jokes for men)

You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't...

Men are Like... Women jokes for men.

Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Remote controls.
Chances are you'll find them lying by the TV.

Parking spaces at a popular mall.
The good ones are all taken.

Computers.
In order to get their attention, you must first turn them on.

Fine wine.
They take a long time to mature.

Oatmeal.
If they sit too long, they become lumpy.

Mascara.
They run at the first sign of tears.

Silverware.
They on appear only when there is...

Only women laugh with these jokes:

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to...

Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A. A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Q. What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school?
A. A fucking know-it-all.

Q. Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A. You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if...

Back in 2002, researchers at the University of Hertfordshire wanted to find the "world's funniest joke", so they created "LaughLab" to evaluate all jokes and find the funniest one.
Of the 40,000 jokes submitted, the winner was sent by Gurpal Gosall, a 31-year-old psychiatrist from Manchester, England:

So, here it is. The funniest joke ever:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"...

funny jokes, hunters jokes, lol

According to the research of "Laughlab" (read about it on the funniest joke ever), here is the second funniest joke ever :

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?"...