2012 is over. Nothing to see here. Move on to 2013. Update your new year resolutions

# Funny resolutions for New Year

So you think this year is the one ?

Here are the top and funny resolutions for the new year:

James Agate New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Eric Zorn: Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

Jay Leno: Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.

Anonymous funny new years resolution: Check my work e-mail account at least once this year

Anonymous new year resolution #2: Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.

Anonymous funny resolution #3: Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield

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Do you believe in Santa Claus? Is Santa Claus real? Is there any proof whether Santa Clause is real or not? Where do letters to Santa go?

The renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990)has presented the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT...

The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.

Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.

"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.

"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"

"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

A Statistics Department is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.

All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"

The pure mathematician: "It's one."

The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."

The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: "Certainly a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and that is good for your health.

The mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife --- you get some peace and quiet...

A bunch of jokes about the theory of relativity:

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

According to Einstein's Theory of Relatives, the probability of in-laws...