Love New Year wishes
The best way to start the new year is to exchange heartwarming greetings and make wishes for the New Year to the people you are in love with! Are you wondering how to wish New Year in a special way? Here are some ideas for SMS wishes or not:
- Years come and go, but this year I specially wish for you a double dose of happiness topped with loads of good fortune. Have a great year ahead! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
- Lets welcome together the year which is fresh and new! Lets cherish each moment it beholds!
Men are Like... Women jokes for men.
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Chances are you'll find them lying by the TV.
Parking spaces at a popular mall.
The good ones are all taken.
In order to get their attention, you must first turn them on.
They take a long time to mature.
If they sit too long, they become lumpy.
They run at the first sign of tears.
They on appear only when there is food on the table.
Signs You Are On a Bad Date
You know you're on a bad date when:
Girls you know you're on a bad date when: (jokes for men)
You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't Rockefeller, honey."
You've never heard someone speak with such passion about an ant farm.
He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine.
Your dinner reservations are under "Loser, party of 2"
He's especially proud of how long he can sustain a burp.
He calls to tell you he'll pick you up, just as soon as the stand off with the police is over.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
This is not a joke.
The top 20 of all the Murphy's laws. They all derive from the original law of Murphy:
0. Everything that can go wrong will.
In no particular order, here are the top 20 most important laws of Murphy:
1 - Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
2 - Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
3 - No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming
back.(No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.)
4 - Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Pessimistic and funny Murphy's laws on love :
- All the good ones are taken.
- If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
- Nothing improves with age.
- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
- If you're having difficulties choosing between potential two girls, you'll always pick the wrong one.
- If you love her/him, s/he doesn't love you
- If you are in love, he/she isn't
If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?
Teachers are an inspiration. We joke about them, we play practical jokes on them. Students in school like to say that
"Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn’t have."
Teachers jokes are funny. Teacher and student jokes are even funniest.
Teachers and Students jokes:
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
Teacher:Give me an example of Coincidence?
Student: My mom and dad got married on the same date.
Murphy's computer laws are based on experience and observations. They all derive from the original Murphys's law "everything that can go wrong will go wrong".
- Constants aren't
- If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Every non trivial program has at least one bug
- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- A patch is a piece of software which replaces old bugs with new bugs.
- Failure is not an option, it's included with the software.
The Murphy's laws about work :
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
- To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.
Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.
Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A. A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
Q. What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school?
A. A fucking know-it-all.
Q. Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A. You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.
Do you believe in Santa Claus? Is Santa Claus real? Is there any proof whether Santa Clause is real or not? Where do letters to Santa go?
The renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990)has presented the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'
A bunch of jokes about the theory of relativity:
A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?
Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says: "Certainly a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and that is good for your health.