funny jokes

Chuck Norris and animals facts

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.

There is no such thing as evolution... only those animals Chuck Norris allowed to live

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.

Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.

Category: Quotes

0 May 30, 2016

Chuck Norris and Christmas 2016

Santa Clause was real, before the year he forgot to give Chuck Norris a present.

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.

Santa knocked on Chuck Norris' door on Christmas and was roundhouse kicked out. He sneaks in through chimneys ever since.

Category: Quotes

0 May 30, 2016

Funniest joke ever

Back in 2002, researchers at the University of Hertfordshire wanted to find the "world's funniest joke", so they created "LaughLab" to evaluate all jokes and find the funniest one.
Of the 40,000 jokes submitted, the winner was sent by Gurpal Gosall, a 31-year-old psychiatrist from Manchester, England:

So, here it is. The funniest joke ever:

Category: Jokes

0 February 19, 2016

Christmas and Chuck Norris 2015

0 October 12, 2015

The Second funniest joke ever

According to the research of "Laughlab" (read about it on the funniest joke ever), here is the second funniest joke ever :

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?"

Category: Jokes

0 April 17, 2012

Men jokes

Only women laugh with these jokes:

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.

Category: Jokes

0 December 23, 2011

Men joke: Men are like...

Men are Like... Women jokes for men.

Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Remote controls.
Chances are you'll find them lying by the TV.

Parking spaces at a popular mall.
The good ones are all taken.

Computers.
In order to get their attention, you must first turn them on.

Fine wine.
They take a long time to mature.

Oatmeal.
If they sit too long, they become lumpy.

Mascara.
They run at the first sign of tears.

Silverware.
They on appear only when there is food on the table.

Cats.

Category: Jokes

0 December 18, 2011

Bad date joke

Signs You Are On a Bad Date

You know you're on a bad date when:

Girls you know you're on a bad date when: (jokes for men)

You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't Rockefeller, honey."

You've never heard someone speak with such passion about an ant farm.

He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine.
Your dinner reservations are under "Loser, party of 2"

He's especially proud of how long he can sustain a burp.

He calls to tell you he'll pick you up, just as soon as the stand off with the police is over.

Category: Jokes

0 December 18, 2011

Men are wrong

If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?

Category: Jokes

0 December 17, 2011

Lawyer jokes

Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A. A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Q. What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school?
A. A fucking know-it-all.

Q. Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A. You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.

Category: Jokes

Subject

0 December 17, 2011

thirteen-dimensional space

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

Category: Jokes

0 December 17, 2011

Chuck Norris and Twitter

Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

Category: Jokes

0 December 08, 2011

Christmas and Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesnt celebrate christmas, christmas celbrates chuck norris.

Category: Jokes

0 November 25, 2011